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Post Posted: October 23rd 2013 8:46 pm
 
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Title: Mortician
Join: May 26th 2005 1:23 am
Posts: 1928
Location: Progress City
Dear Millennium Falcon, I have been engaged in battle with an epic sized shit storm of activity for the last six to nine months and have not had time to eat, sleep, or properly internet the hell out of myself since. Is there any big news that I may have missed? Is there any 'new' funny to be had? Where are all the chubby broads located? And has anyone seen what has happened to my common sense, because I thought I flipped my lid until I realized my lid has been long gone and I was just fooling myself.

I have been pissing people off left and right. Co-workers, mostly, but I attract a lot of road rage from people these days too. I hope to live to see the new year, and if I do I will turn 40 and officially be an old man. So the good times are fucking over.

I'm kind of looking forward to new Star Wars, but it's all so iffy these days that I'm trying not to get too excited. Haven't seen any 'must-have' collectibles in a long time either, which is depressing, but okay cuz I be broke and shit. I got 19.5 hours of OT on my paycheck last week but my wife has an expensive hobby she calls "being a journalist".

Fuck it. Whatcha been up to, MF?


Post Posted: October 27th 2013 9:10 pm
 
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Join: May 2nd 2005 7:26 am
Posts: 1999
Location: Down the rabbit hole
Glad to see I'm not the only one....I've been so fscking busy both in life and work, I can barely take a crap.

But, soccer season is nearly over, so is Volleyball season, so I guess I get a reprieve soon.


Post Posted: October 27th 2013 9:18 pm
 
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Title: Mortician
Join: May 26th 2005 1:23 am
Posts: 1928
Location: Progress City
Sports. Nice!

I'm up to my ears in dead people, sad people, and people who want me dead or sad. Which actually is a great workout, gives me the chance to dress like a gangster pimp, and handle sharp objects and dangerous chemicals.

I'm gonna' pretend this post is Texas.

[marq=up] :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: :funkybandito: [/marq]


Post Posted: October 27th 2013 10:52 pm
 
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Join: May 2nd 2005 7:26 am
Posts: 1999
Location: Down the rabbit hole
Whats with all the dead people? You been slicing folks again?


Post Posted: October 30th 2013 9:54 pm
 
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Title: Mortician
Join: May 26th 2005 1:23 am
Posts: 1928
Location: Progress City
Nah, it's the most randomly schedulable event in the entirety of the human experience. And ultimately, if you do a good job, there is more work. The burden of success, as it were. But the people I work with are mostly women, and no disrespect to women, but once a month they all want to murder someone. And I can only be so polite. I feel like I should get hazard pay because I have functional balls. I attribute my continued existence to quick wit, and a passion for sugar-coating my own bullshit.

Technically, I incise people. And yes, I have been doing a lot of that. My wife quit her high paying secretary job to become a reporter at the local paper about nine months ago. Which is great, because it's what she went to school for and has always wanted to do. But I didn't know this, reporters make lousy money. So she's always happy and loves her job, but it is putting us in the poor house.

Consequently I volunteer myself for everything. And that puts me in greater risk for pissing off the menstruals. Which I've been doing lmao :S


Post Posted: October 30th 2013 10:43 pm
 
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Join: May 2nd 2005 7:26 am
Posts: 1999
Location: Down the rabbit hole
Man, i'm glad you specified that the women you work with are alive.

otherwise, I'd be thinking you're handling dead women....and that leads to bad questions with you.


Post Posted: November 10th 2013 2:28 pm
 
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Title: Mortician
Join: May 26th 2005 1:23 am
Posts: 1928
Location: Progress City
Umm, the dead people I work with are all pretty mellow. And half of them are women. But I was referring to the living women being the ones I am pissing off lately.

I don't think it's just me and my life however, people everywhere seem to be really bitchy lately. People want to inject drama where it isn't helpful. I had a conversation recently that ended with "Troy, it isn't 'what' you said, but 'how' you said it that is pissing me off." I laughed quite loudly at that, which is why it 'recently ended' as such lmao, but that sentiment seems popular these days. Have people really watched so much reality TV that each interaction must have some kind of hidden soap-opera agenda or projected insecurity wrapped up into it? Every glance or observation seems to be met with investigative analysis for content and context, each word scrutinized for a revelation of the meaningful layers created by it's usage.

People should be happier than they are. Before you know it I'll be running a curling iron through your hair and brushing make-up dust off the lapel of your jacket before your family comes in with a plate of brownies and a poster board of the pictures you told them not to take of you and cry the place up for a few hours before we finalize your ultimate disposition.

If your lucky, so cheer the fuck up humans. Time is running out. I think I'm going to try to take my own advice on this one. I'm going to try to surround myself with the things that make me happy. Big round butts and :weed:

We'll see where it goes from there

:bunnys: :funkypopo: :funkyspiderjerusalum: :funkypopoz: :bunnys:


Post Posted: November 10th 2013 4:10 pm
 
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Join: May 2nd 2005 7:26 am
Posts: 1999
Location: Down the rabbit hole
Good luck, remember, bitch and pushy season is upon us...where everywhere you go, holiday cheer is going to be spread.


Post Posted: November 13th 2013 9:27 am
 
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Title: Mortician
Join: May 26th 2005 1:23 am
Posts: 1928
Location: Progress City
I know, I can't wait :what:

I think the part of the holiday season that really bugs the fuck out of me is the music. I can appreciate basically anything recorded before 1980. Beyond that, it all gets shittier and shittier. And they should ban several Christmas songs from ever being played again in any scenario. Songs such as Paul McCartney's "Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time" or better known in my house as "Oh my god turn that horrible fucking song off before I murder everyone in sight with a chair leg". And anything by an American Idol participant.


Post Posted: November 13th 2013 10:38 pm
 
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Join: May 2nd 2005 7:26 am
Posts: 1999
Location: Down the rabbit hole
Mariah Carey...


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