by CoGro » June 12th 2015 7:13 pm
OK, here goes.
I thought the marketing for Jurassic World was somewhere between uninspired and awful. There was nothing wondrous, magical or awe-inspiring in any of the imagery, and the characters looked downright embarrassing. My expectations were very low but I still had the slightest tinge of excitement and hope as I listened to John Williams' epic soundtrack during the day.
If you're a millennial you don't know what it was like being in the theatre to see Jurassic Park when it was released. I'd argue you don't know what it's like being in a theatre when the audience is legitimately shocked, awed or surprised by anything seen on screen. Everything looks the same since visual effects have been democratized. It's rare for filmmakers to rely on practical, cleverly staged tension anymore because it's easier and cheaper to resort to CG. The world has changed and the truest message Jurassic World delivers is how unfortunate this trend in moviemaking is. Unfortunately for Jurassic World it's a willing participant in this trend, making its entire message seem completely hypocritical.
To the movie:
There was a moment, maybe 2 minutes in, where my inner child was brought back. It was the scene where the little kid (I honestly don't remember most of the characters' names because of how forgettable they are) is in his bedroom with all of the dinosaurs on his shelf. I was that little kid many years ago. I think that was the last time I felt anything in the movie.
Let's get something out of the way: eye candy does not equate to wonder. Wonder can include eye candy, but they are not the same thing. There is plenty of "cool" eye candy in Jurassic World like the neat visitor's centre, the gyrosphere and the monorail. The dinosaurs? Your eyes will not lie unless you let them: the dinosaurs in Jurassic World look FAR BOLD BOLD BOLD less realistic than they did in Jurassic Park. You are a liar or a moron if you think that anything in Jurassic World looks as real as the T-Rex attack in JP (side note: the Rex in JW is supposed to be the same Rex from JP - could have fooled me since the 2015 version looks like a cartoon).
Now this is not just the fault of ILM (although I do not believe the "A" team worked on JW); it's a directorial problem. The dinosaurs aren't shot in a way that hides the limitations of even the best CGI and the results are catastrophic. If you look at the Indominous Rex and know that it is a CG creation then any tension or horror it supposedly creates feels fake. And guess what? The actors aren't fooled either: they act like they're surrounded by a bunch of nothing. Pratt fares the best, but the raptors still mostly look like cartoons, especially since we've seen them look real before.
Great characters and a decent story can overcome mediocre CGI, but JW has neither. The script is just no good: it's a mash between the original JP and Transformers with forced hero moments, overly scripted "tension" scenes, monologuing and needless subplots. Why do we care about the parents' divorce? Why do we see scenes of them at a lawyers' office? Why are the parents in the movie at all? Why is there a subplot involving Pratt's character and Ron Howard's daughter having dated once? Why is Henry Wu a moustache-twirling villain all of a sudden? Why is INGEN a paramilitary organization? Why the fuck does any of this have to do with GENETICALLY CREATED DINOSAURS IN AN AMUSEMENT PARK. It's all just very needless and messy and mostly boring. As a matter of fact, the most interesting concept is the controversial raptor training stuff. I think that idea works and Pratt sells it well. I just don't think there's enough of a movie around it to make it hold up.
How about the action? I mean, I guess it's good but it's no more special than an XBOX cutscene or your stock summer blockbuster action scene. If that's what you want from a Jurassic Park movie and that's good enough for your 15 bucks, well then I guess I feel sorry for you.
Notably terrible was the editing. You get one scene of the kids at the park (which involves one kid getting excited or complaining about not being able to see, and another kid creepily staring at teenage girls in the most awkward of ways), another of people in a stock control room saying nothing particularly interesting, Pratt and Kingpin arguing about gibberish regarding militarizing raptors, and repeat. That's the first hour. It doesn't get any pace going until the last 30 minutes and by then I was paying more attention to taking the biggest piss of my life than JP: Age of Extinction.
I want to admire excellence. I want more Jurassic Park's, Winter Soldier's and Fury Road's. If I'm looking for mindless action that makes no sense with paper thin characters I'll....well, I can't look to the Fast and Furious movies anymore because they've actually started to become good, so if Jurassic World is any indication I guess I'll have to look at our most cherished and celebrated franchises to watch a fine wine turned into piss.
My lasting thought leaving the theatre: The Lost World suddenly became "underrated."