Is your Child a Goth?

[Swedish Chef]

Not that I am or have a kid that is, but a buddy of mine is, and he posted this sumbitch up on another message board that I go to. And yes, from what it look like, this is 100% grade A - REAL. Brought to by the nutjobs over at St. Mary's Church. The cereal one had me rolling on the floor.



Is Your Child a Goth? Presented by St. Mary's Church

Was Salem Correct?

Source: www.stmaryschurch.org

Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your child may have gone astray from the Lord. Gothic (or goth) is a very obscure and often dangerous culture that young teenagers are prone to participating in. The gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil, darkness, and violence. Please seek immediate attention through counselling, prayer, and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's temptations if five or more of the following are applicable to your child.

-Frequently wears black clothing.

-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.

-Wears excessive black eye makeup,lipstick or nail polish.

-Wears any odd silver jewelry or symbols.

-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.

-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)

-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.

-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.

-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.

-Takes drugs.

-Drinks alcohol.

-Is suicidal and/or depressed.

-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation.(This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.)

-Complains of boredom.

-Sleeps too excessively or too little.

-Is excessively awake during the night.

-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.

-Spends large amounts of time alone.

-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may speak to evil sprits through meditation.)

-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.

-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.

-Misbehaves at school.

-Misbehaves at home.

-Eats excessively or too little

-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.

-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)

-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)

-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.

-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.

-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.

-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.

-Expresses an interest in sex.

-Masturbates.

-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.

-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism, Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.

-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases:
"I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".

-Claims to be a goth.

If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center.

[Jason@Star-Wars.net]

Shit, I eat Count Dracula cereal. I'm wearing a black shirt. I've been up all night and it's six a.m. I value my privacy. I have a few ecentric friends. I don't read the Bible as often as I watch cartoons. I enjoy smoking weed.

Am I goth?

Oh yeah, I just pounded a pint of goats blood.

What am I?

[Jason@Star-Wars.net]

The goat's blood gave it away didn't it?

[Ayatollah Krispies]

-Claims to be a goth.

I think I'd have put this one at the top of the list.

[KitFisto]

-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music.

-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.

-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.

-Takes drugs.

-Drinks alcohol.

-Sleeps too excessively or too little.

-Is excessively awake during the night.

-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.

-Spends large amounts of time alone.

-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.

-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.

-Eats excessively or too little

-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.

-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)

-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.

-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.

-Expresses an interest in sex.

-Masturbates.

Oh fuck I'm goth I better stop wearing khakis and polos

[aBa]

-Frequently wears black clothing.

-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.

-Wears any odd silver jewelry or symbols.

-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.

-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music.

-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.

-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.

-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.

-Takes drugs.

-Drinks alcohol.

-Complains of boredom.

-Sleeps too excessively or too little.

-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.

-Spends large amounts of time alone.

-Requests time alone and quietness.

-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.

-Misbehaves at school.

-Misbehaves at home.

-Eats excessively or too little

-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.

-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources.

-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.

-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.

-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.

-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.

-Expresses an interest in sex.

-Masturbates.

-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.

-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism, Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.

29

I AM TEH UBERGOTH!!!

[MTH]

-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.

good thing I stuck to frankenberry!

I wonder if Boo Berry counts as Goth food...

[Swedish Chef]

Now were those the Ostrogoths or the Visigoths? I always get my barbarian cultures mixed up.

[yarq]

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[yarq]

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